Recently my husband and I had one of those little spats where we just couldn't see eye to eye. We are generally pretty good communicators who have a solid set of communication skills with which we navigate life's challenges. On this occasion, we were just not coming through the point of contention with any resolve. Finally, in exasperation, I looked at him and said: "Frankly I find what you did offensive!" His reply: "Well, I find your actions offensive too!".
We both looked at each other with a bit of revelation and my husband said, there must be a bible verse about taking offense. With a little help from Biblegateway, we found Prov. 19:11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense."
That was all the truth we needed and our spat was over, each of us apologized and we moved forward. We found the verse so compelling that we wrote it on our fridge door using a whiteboard marker. This is a habit I have picked up over the past few years when I want to drill a truth into my brain, I write it on the fridge in nice bold letters. It sits there amongst family photos and an occasional piece of artwork from a child in our family.
Little did we know that that truth, "It is to one's glory to overlook an offense" would become a touchstone to us... a criterion by which the actions of others were assessed and dealt with. In the following two months we had multiple challenging situations to deal with. They were situations in which we could have easily taken offense, but one or the other of us would quietly and lovingly repeat our new mantra in the other's ear "It is to one's glory to overlook an offense". This truth would seep in and form a protective wall of truth barricading us from grabbing ahold of the offenses being perpetrated. We rejoiced in our capacity to stay wise, be patient and keep an emotional self-protective barrier around ourselves to keep from hanging on to those offenses.
As I write this it sounds so simple. It was not simple. Having both of us on the same pathway of dealing with hurtful situations was immensely helpful. We were able to hold one another up in the face of trial. It took a good deal of spiritual resolve and inner determination to stay soft-hearted when we felt like putting on some boxing gloves.
Hanging on to truth instead of hanging on to hurt has been immensely healing to us. We have found great peace in this approach to senseless conflict.
In marriage we have certainly found that having an open heart, not holding on to offenses, keeping shortlists (no record of wrongs) has brought us peace. It keeps us from shoving the other person into a metaphorical box that is glued together with judgmentalism and criticism. A key to keeping this principle foremost in our marital relationship has been reminding ourselves regularly of the core values by which we desire to live. Love, forgiveness, latitude, grace, compassion are the foremost qualities we have embraced. Now, "not taking offense", not holding wrongs against the other, not embracing hurts is becoming a great new way to hold even more securely to the positive qualities we desire in our interactions.
What offense do you cling to which would be better off not being embraced? What principles will you hold on to in order to be wise and exercise patience?
Eccl 10:4 calmness can lay great offenses to rest
.
We both looked at each other with a bit of revelation and my husband said, there must be a bible verse about taking offense. With a little help from Biblegateway, we found Prov. 19:11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense."
That was all the truth we needed and our spat was over, each of us apologized and we moved forward. We found the verse so compelling that we wrote it on our fridge door using a whiteboard marker. This is a habit I have picked up over the past few years when I want to drill a truth into my brain, I write it on the fridge in nice bold letters. It sits there amongst family photos and an occasional piece of artwork from a child in our family.
Little did we know that that truth, "It is to one's glory to overlook an offense" would become a touchstone to us... a criterion by which the actions of others were assessed and dealt with. In the following two months we had multiple challenging situations to deal with. They were situations in which we could have easily taken offense, but one or the other of us would quietly and lovingly repeat our new mantra in the other's ear "It is to one's glory to overlook an offense". This truth would seep in and form a protective wall of truth barricading us from grabbing ahold of the offenses being perpetrated. We rejoiced in our capacity to stay wise, be patient and keep an emotional self-protective barrier around ourselves to keep from hanging on to those offenses. As I write this it sounds so simple. It was not simple. Having both of us on the same pathway of dealing with hurtful situations was immensely helpful. We were able to hold one another up in the face of trial. It took a good deal of spiritual resolve and inner determination to stay soft-hearted when we felt like putting on some boxing gloves.
Hanging on to truth instead of hanging on to hurt has been immensely healing to us. We have found great peace in this approach to senseless conflict.
In marriage we have certainly found that having an open heart, not holding on to offenses, keeping shortlists (no record of wrongs) has brought us peace. It keeps us from shoving the other person into a metaphorical box that is glued together with judgmentalism and criticism. A key to keeping this principle foremost in our marital relationship has been reminding ourselves regularly of the core values by which we desire to live. Love, forgiveness, latitude, grace, compassion are the foremost qualities we have embraced. Now, "not taking offense", not holding wrongs against the other, not embracing hurts is becoming a great new way to hold even more securely to the positive qualities we desire in our interactions.
What offense do you cling to which would be better off not being embraced? What principles will you hold on to in order to be wise and exercise patience?
Eccl 10:4 calmness can lay great offenses to rest
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